09 February 2010

"From the Stiletto Files"....

As many of you may know, and some of you may not, I am the co-host of an Internet radio Show – Paper Dolls. And this week, like many others, we are having a guest appear on the program. Now, this in itself is not some sort of miraculous feat. However, the impact this guest has had on me (and she hasn’t even been on the show yet – we air Wednesdays at 10pm EST - yes, shameless plug) has been quite profound. You see, the author is Carole Brody Fleet. And her book is Widows Wear Stilettos. Aside from the shoe reference, why would I so strongly relate? Yes, I do strive for a “mean shoe game”. But no, I’m not a widow. What resonates so profoundly with me as I read her book is how relatable her sense of loss is to me. I questioned why I was so moved by such an unfamiliar experience. Then it dawned on me. The initial feelings she described were so “like me”. Although not equal, definitely relatable – the sense of loss you feel when you are initially diagnosed with MS. The feelings of hopelessness, irritability, anger, confusion, anxiety, worthlessness, her list goes on and I agreed with every single solitary emotion. I’ve been there. And if you’re like me….you have too.

But more importantly than the ability to relate to someone that shares my sense of loss without me having to go through the frustrating tale of how and why I feel the way I do. Why at any given moment I may swing on the pendulum on emotion like a monkey on a vine – from anger to a fit of snot rolling, uncontrollable sobs. She just gets it. And she pens it in a voice that echoes the vision on this blog. It is not to dismiss the tragedy but to encourage the healing. The sense of loss may forever resonate in your heart but it does not have to be the musical soundtrack of your life. With time you will be able to smile, laugh and live again - in a different capacity? Yes. With as much joy? You bet. As Mark Twain so eloquently put it “Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth.” And do it all in a pair kick-ass of stilettos - I added that part :)

08 February 2010

Never Stop Dreaming

I was at a loss of what to post today but knew something was stirring in my soul. I couldn't quite pinpoint it and then I received this amazing email from my BFF (aka Style Mayvin) and thought EUREKA! This is what all the soul stirring was about. Way to often we as women continually have our "dreams deferred" out of obligation, gender roles, fear, etc - you fill in the blank. Then when you compound that with MS, you think that you are no longer allowed to dream. That somehow the monster has dominion over all things good and beautiful. But dreams are like fairy tales. And don't fairytales always have some knight in shining armor that slays the dragon (aka monster) and we all have a happy ending? Well today here is your happy ending...enjoy!

"I read this today on Dr Wayne Dyer's Blog and wanted to share...

Dream and You Shall Become

True imagination is not fanciful daydreaming; it is fire from heaven.— Ernest Holmes

One of the huge imbalances in life is the disparity between your daily existence, with its routines and habits, and the dream you have within yourself of some extraordinarily satisfying way of living. Buried within you is an unlimited capacity for creation that’s anxious to plant seedlings to fulfill your dreams and your destiny. The absence of balance between dreams and daily routine can reveal itself in symptoms of depression, illness, or anxiety—but it’s more often something that feels like an unwelcome companion by your side, which continually whispers to you that you’re ignoring something. You sense that there’s a higher agenda; your way of life and your reason for life are out of balance. Until you pay attention, this subtle visitor will continue to prod you to regain your equilibrium.

When you live your life going through the motions, it may seem to be convenient, but the weight of your dissatisfaction creates a huge imbalance in the only life you have now. It shows up when you’re sound asleep and your dreams are filled with reminders of what you’d love to be, but you wake and return to pursuing your safe routine. Allow yourself to think about this “fire from heaven.” What are your dreams and how can you shift your thinking habits to match your dreams? Commit to thinking about what you want, rather than how impossible or difficult that dream may seem. Give your personal dreams a place to hang out so that you can see them in your imagination and they can soak up the energy they deserve. Thoughts are mental energy; they’re the currency that you have to attract what you desire. Learn to stop spending that currency on thoughts you don’t want. Your body might continue, for a while, to stay where it’s been trained to be, but meanwhile, your thoughts are being aligned with your dreams. Align your inner creative energy—your thoughts—so that they match up perfectly with your desires. Dream and you shall become.

Have a great week Dreamers..."

02 February 2010

A Slippery Slope

What do you get when you mix the imbalance accompanied by MS, 3" heels, and ice? A hot mess! There are days and then there are days...today was a "day". Most of you have heard by now about the wintery weather we have encountered in the Southeast (which we are not equipped to handle). So on top of the snow day on Monday, two-hour school delay this morning, and remnants of snowy-slushy icy mess - you have me trying as best I can to make it up the hill in my development. Today is the day I decide in an effort to conserve gas to let my husband drive the truck. Yes, I agree - dumb move. They tell you about "black ice" but I always attribute that to the highways and by-ways of the interstate - not residential streets. Well, it applies. I thought I could make it up the hill if I stayed in the paths made by the brave drivers that went before me. NOT! My poor little sedan sounded like the little engine that could..."I think I can, I think I can.." Until she died. Who knew that if your vehicle continues to spin its wheels to no avail it just cuts slam off ( a metaphor of life, no?) Well, I didn't know this - my husband informs me that it is so you don't burn out your pistons or something of the such - I no speak man-ese. At any rate, as I frantically get off the call with my BFF in an attempt to try to gain some traction - she dies again! Last resort - WALK! Did I mention 3" heels. These are my fave leather winter boots people that are now gonna be succumbed to a winter concoction of oil, slush and snow - yum :) Leather just drinks this sort of liquid bile up. To further enhance the situation, my balance is slightly skewed to the left and I have an arm full of work that I brought home. Yeah, extra weight - not helping. As I trudge up the hill I loose my footing once or twice so I decide to try to use my heels as spikes to dig into the snow/ice (I recently saw an episode on ice climbing on the Discovery Channel). This doesn't work very well if you have no traction to begin with to "stab" the ice. So as I look like a baby taking her first steps, I fumble my way up the hill avoiding a rather embarrassing spill as night begins to fall and I pray that some other "brave" driver doesn't come down the hill and conveniently assist me back down the hill by way of their front bumper. So yes, I finally make it home to frantic phone calls form my hubby and a text message from my BFF wondering if I have braved the slippery slope. I made it but next time...I'm just gonna wait for my hubby to get home, or pack sensible shoes. Heels+Ice+MS=Not a good look