09 February 2010

"From the Stiletto Files"....

As many of you may know, and some of you may not, I am the co-host of an Internet radio Show – Paper Dolls. And this week, like many others, we are having a guest appear on the program. Now, this in itself is not some sort of miraculous feat. However, the impact this guest has had on me (and she hasn’t even been on the show yet – we air Wednesdays at 10pm EST - yes, shameless plug) has been quite profound. You see, the author is Carole Brody Fleet. And her book is Widows Wear Stilettos. Aside from the shoe reference, why would I so strongly relate? Yes, I do strive for a “mean shoe game”. But no, I’m not a widow. What resonates so profoundly with me as I read her book is how relatable her sense of loss is to me. I questioned why I was so moved by such an unfamiliar experience. Then it dawned on me. The initial feelings she described were so “like me”. Although not equal, definitely relatable – the sense of loss you feel when you are initially diagnosed with MS. The feelings of hopelessness, irritability, anger, confusion, anxiety, worthlessness, her list goes on and I agreed with every single solitary emotion. I’ve been there. And if you’re like me….you have too.

But more importantly than the ability to relate to someone that shares my sense of loss without me having to go through the frustrating tale of how and why I feel the way I do. Why at any given moment I may swing on the pendulum on emotion like a monkey on a vine – from anger to a fit of snot rolling, uncontrollable sobs. She just gets it. And she pens it in a voice that echoes the vision on this blog. It is not to dismiss the tragedy but to encourage the healing. The sense of loss may forever resonate in your heart but it does not have to be the musical soundtrack of your life. With time you will be able to smile, laugh and live again - in a different capacity? Yes. With as much joy? You bet. As Mark Twain so eloquently put it “Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth.” And do it all in a pair kick-ass of stilettos - I added that part :)

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